Today I am 32yrs old. I’m freshly single and trying very hard to keep my head up. I’m trying not to look at what could have been and what it really is. I’m not too excited about the holidays I guess that’s why I don’t care much about spending them alone. It sucks when you say I’m doing well and you really want to say shit sucks right now. All of a sudden my apartment is looking too big. My eyes are constantly filling up with tears and my body is feeling the stress from lack of sleep. Now I know this will soon get better with time but I need to feel better right now. I have so much to be happy and thankful for and I can’t seem to grasp that and enjoy it. My head and my heart is someplace else and it makes everything good seem non-existent. I would give anything for this feeling to go away and I can continue with life as normal. I would give anything to really enjoy my birthday. I’m really trying to get back into my zone but every day that passes it gets harder and harder. I use to be optimistic thinking that things will get better on its own but I’m starting to realize I’m going to have to put work in. Time heals all wounds and pain does fade away with time but I seem to have too much of that right now.
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